Laying Low

I have to lay low.

Yes that is exactly how I feel right now and that is exactly what I need to do.
But how can I? I know that now is definitely not a good time to show signs of weakness or indecisiveness but I know that laying low is what I need as of this moment.

“Lay low on your dancing for now.”

I had finally heard these words come out of my mother’s mouth. I had thought of the same notion once or twice but I never said it aloud. I don’t want the thought to become reality and I don’t want to have to face the reality of having to choose between dance and my future diploma.

Lord, can’t I have both? Others that came before me had made it happen for themselves and had acquired both throughout their college lives. Somehow though, I know I differ from them.

These past few years of training in dance, I have seen a considerable amount of improvement in terms of my skill–modesty aside. If I were to assess how that happened, it was because I gave so much time, effort, and concentration into perfecting my craft(dance) that improvement was a natural phenomenon. Because I was paying so much attention to dance, unknowingly I had neglected my course and my studies.

I was not doing horribly but I know within me that if the time and energy I allotted for dance were used for my schoolwork, I would have excelled. It seems that I can only focus on one thing at a time. I just hate doing something while I’m thinking of another. This is usually why I end up doing such lousy work. I’m doing a certain work. say for example paper work, but then my mind is also wandering to that new routine we are working on and that I have to practice.

The 24 hours in a day is not enough to do all things that need to be done–especially when my body needs to snooze during very untimely hours. I work during the night: Dance and schoolwork; which leads me skipping classes because I tend to drowse off until noon.

I often wonder if I’m growing old too fast because my body cannot tolerate sleeping so late while doing so much anymore.

Still developing a solution for this problem, however, I know that laying low right now is not in the list of options. By hook or by crook, I will make this work, or I will die trying.

More to Life Than Partying

Of course I love to party. I’m a dancer, after all. I love the blinding lights and the deafening noise of electro music.

On the other hand, I don’t want to be known as the girl who does only that. The girl who unexpectedly smokes, drinks til she turns red, and kisses guys she just met. Sure I had a lot of fun when I did those things but life goes on.

I’m a student of Silliman University, and more so, a member of the Kahayag Dance Company, a front-liner of the university and as well as a cultural ambassador.

I’m giving much emphasis on my membership in Kahayag because I think it is such a disgrace to be seen with appalling behavior especially when most people know that I am a member of the Silliman University’s Dance Company. It isn’t just me who is affected by my decisions but my actions will also reflect on the image of the company.

I’ve brought this up because there was one night, when I was still in my party-going mode, that I went out, did the usual things such as smoke, drink, and dance.

I met this guy, let’s just call him Mike, and we got to know each other the whole night and ended up making out by the beach at Escaño.

Escaño is the ultimate tambayan (hang out place) of Silliman students – that’s where the students park their cars, drink, and dance when they don’t want to go to the establishments just across Escaño.

My dilemma was Mike wanted to make out near the beach where for sure a lot of people would see us and I didn’t want to give anybody that knew me any type of show.
Nonetheless, he wanted to make out by the beach, so by the beach it was then.

The most awful part about everything was a week after that “incident” my roommate jokingly told me that she knew about something I did recently and that a friend of hers told her so.

Maybz (my roommate), told me that her friend said it was her roommate who was a Kahayag dancer doing “something” “somewhere”, and of course nobody else in our room but me is a Kahayag dancer! And of course I knew exactly what she meant when she said “something” “somewhere”!

I was in panic mode. That incident cannot happen again, especially not like that!
I felt so ashamed of my behavior. If  Kuya Boe (our Artistic Director) were to find out what I did, oh gosh! What would he think?!

How would that reflect on the Company? What will other people think? That Kahayag dancers, scholars of the university, have little or no respect for themselves and are all about dancing, drinking, and partying? Of course this is not what we stand for and this is not how we want to reflect ourselves as the University’s dance company.

I don’t care too much how people may perceive me, however, this isn’t just about me anymore. This is about how I perceive myself and how people perceive of the Company I represent. Which is why in crucial times, I say, there’s more to life than partying.

INC: Please complete me.

“Please complete me,” is exactly what my INC (Incomplete) grade is asking of me right now or rather the completion of my INC grade is exactly what my mother keeps on reminding me every waking day since I found an “INC” plastered on my record online.

Dear God, my mother must have had an almost heart attack, while, I, on the other was as calm as I could be when I first saw it.

My teacher said I had enough time to take care of my INC grade and that she really wanted me to do a good job on it because she knows that I can do my final paper better than I did.

And so I took on the task of completing my INC failing to foresee the obstacle I’m now currently tackling: my laziness.

It is already February and by next month, it is going to be finals! Dammit, time flies so fast.
I didn’t even notice January passing by, and now it’s already the 27th of February? Are you kidding me?

On top of the INC I need to complete, there is also the issue of another paper I have to finish (ehem.. start) writing which is also due before finals and… and.. Darn it, I think the first thing I have to do is to stop writing on WordPress this instant.

Temporarily, that is.

Gonna log out now… after… publishing… this… post… -_-

Sleepless

Whoever said “Sleeping late is so much easier than waking up early,” was a genius.

As of this moment it is already 7 AM, and I’ve been awake since 8 AM… of yesterday. I came home from a night out with my friends from Kahayag and though I didn’t spend the night out like how I usually do (drinking, dancing, etc.), I actually had a lot of fun chatting the night away with Kuya Boe and Kuya Leo.

It’s just crazy how I can stay up until 7 AM when I have nothing to do, but then I can barely keep my eyes open when I’m studying for exams.

*8:30 AM
Truly, I slept while writing this post. I awoke just now with my right cheek and my right elbow drenched in saliva. Ew. Gross much.
I found it quite embarrassing considering the fact that other dormers have already awoken and even my roommate saw me sleeping awhile ago with my head resting on the table.

And now, my oh my, why didn’t I buy sunglasses when I had the opportunity (and the money) to buy one. Puffy and half-open, my eyes are basically screaming, “Sunglasses, please! Dyl, why don’t you put on sunglasses?”

To my eyes and the bags under it, sorry I never felt the need for sunglasses — until now.

What’s in a Haircut

Have you ever looked in the mirror and said to yourself, “I look boring today. I looked this way yesterday, I look this way today, and I’ll probably look this way tomorrow.”
(Sigh) Sad, isn’t it?

And all of a sudden I see my roommate, Lady, walk in the room and I’m like, “Oh my gosh you had a haircut!” And she jokingly says, “Really?! I didn’t notice!” And laughs.

A week after that, here comes Abi, my other roommate (we’re 8 in the room, by the way), walks in the room and my jaw drops. She is now sporting full bangs. So I look at myself in the mirror and once again, I look uber boring and I ask myself when was the last time I had a haircut; and surprisingly I couldn’t remember when that was—definitely a really big sign right in front of my face: I need a haircut.

Which is why this afternoon, when my friends and I were on our way to school from McDonald’s, I was watching Raphaelle’s hair (which underwent herb spa) shining and flowing effortlessly with the wind; I impulsively decided to make a detour.

“Guys, I’m gonna go this way,” I said when we reached the intersection. I walked a few steps to my right away from them and with a deep breath I stopped to say, “I’m gonna get a haircut,” with finality. 🙂